Why We Don’t Tell
Most sexually abused children will not tell their parent/s or guardian they are being abused. There’s a simple reason they don’t tell. The predator threatens the child usually with the death of their mother/guardian or a pet.
I had suppressed my sexual abuse until I was 41. However, I did remember the threat that my abuser would use. The following has been extracted from my book, “Hey Vic!:”
“Hey…hey Dot. Do you hear me?” Her Dad said it loud now, with a very mean tone. “Get in here now damn it! I don’t want anyone to see you.” He was trying to whisper it, but his tone was angry, and he said it louder than he meant too. There was no one around—just Dottie. He was mad, and she was afraid. He opened the door just wide enough for her to squeeze through it.
Her breathing had become quite labored, and she was hyperventilating. She was so afraid; her heart was pounding like it was coming out of her chest and she couldn’t breathe. She could smell whiskey and beer on him. What was he doing in there with those snakes?
It was dark and very cool in there, and she could just barely make out his outline. She could hear him breathing rapidly and smelled the whiskey and beer strongly. He’s yelling at her. “I can’t believe what you have done! I am so disappointed in you, and do you know how that makes me feel? I can’t believe you would lie to me! I hate a liar! Why did you lie? If one of the other two had done this, it wouldn’t surprise me, but you!” He was screaming at her, and she was trembling badly. She was in big trouble, and she knew it, but she didn’t know what she’d done wrong. He said she lied about something. She didn’t lie. She found herself saying frantically through her sobs…” I didn’t lie.” That made him even madder. “Don’t make it worse than it already is! Do you know how much that hurts me and how bad I hate to do this to you?”
There was no telling what he was going to do to her now? She feared he was going to whip her with his mining belt again. He grabbed her, and hot tears were running down her face, and she was shaking violently now and trying not to cry, but she just couldn’t help it. It was so dark, and she couldn’t see and she was so afraid…. afraid of him….
She’s so scared, and he’s screaming at her. “Stop that damn squallin’ before I slap the shit out of you. Do you know what I could do to you? I’m so ashamed of you and what you did. I should just let everyone know about it and go in and see Mrs. Wilson (her teacher) and tell her too, then, everyone will know what you are.”
She could barely breathe, and was shaking hard all over, she didn’t know what her dad was talking about—she didn’t know what she lied about, but he was going to tell her teacher! He was saying, “I’m going to give you one more chance. This time I’m going to cover up for you and not let anyone know—it will be our little secret. Your mother doesn’t even know. And by damn you better not tell anyone—do you understand me?” Oh god, she was so grateful, he was not going to tell on her.
He said, “You just don’t understand how much I love you and how much this hurts me when you do this kinda’ shit; I have to punish you. I’m your Dad, and that’s what dads do. You have to learn somehow. This is going to hurt me a whole lot more than it is going to hurt you.” She braced herself for him to start hitting her with his mining belt. She was crying so hard, and her hair was in her face, and he was moving her hair back off her face. She felt something warm and hard against her face . . .
