Recovery and Healing
Healing from child abuse (including all forms of abuse) is a process like many things. Personally, I have suffered all forms of abuse. It’s guessed my sexual abuse began at 4; and didn’t stop until I was 12 and a half years old. I suppressed the sexual abuse until the age of 41. It is a strange phenomenon that happens frequently. The psychology field cannot explain why. But 90 some percent of those who suppress their sexual abuse remember it at age 41.
I had begun seeing a therapist a few months earlier because I also suffer with chronic severe depression that began in my childhood. My therapist knew before I did that I had suffered sexual abuse because I was using the improper pronouns of “us and me.” Those are the pronouns used by people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). The only people who suffer with the disorder is victims of sexual abuse. It is a survival mechanism.
At 41, I had DID, Chronic Depression, PTSD, Panic/Anxiety Disorder and insomnia, all caused by my abuse and neglect. My psychiatrist believes I’ve been depressed since I was a small child. At times it was so bad, I’d become suicidal.
I have been in therapy with my psychologist, Vic for years processing my way through all of it. It was a long, hard road to travel down, but I realized I must. After wading through all of it I felt determination to fight my way through it all, so my life would change and I wouldn’t still be under the influence of my abusers. I wanted free of them and all the harm they caused me. I didn’t have much of a childhood—skipped the teenage years and went directly into adulthood.
The abuse affected every type of relationship I was a part of. I was determined they were not going to win. I began praying for help in forgiving them—which has been a slow progress. The prayers have produced much, and I started the process of forgiving. I began reaching out in service to others—which is important and will set you on the road to recovery. It’s a good feeling to know you’ve helped someone else on their journey.
Don’t fool yourself into thinking, “oh, I’ve put all that behind me.” Please, do not listen to those around you that say, “Ok, you were abused as a child—you no longer are a child, so get over it.” It’s difficult, painful, time-consuming, and totally worth it when you are committed to recovery. If you need help, do not hesitate to get established with a therapist and receive the much needed help you deserve.
My therapist, Vic ask one day if I had ever heard of EMDR Therapy. I had not, so he gave me the following description: EMDR stands for, “Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. There is something about the rapid eye movement that triggers healing in the mind. They used it in the Oklahoma bombing of the Federal Building. So many people were so badly traumatized that they couldn’t function. An entire group of therapists trained in EMDR therapy was flown to Oklahoma to help these poor people. And they were quite successful.”
In my case, I had deeply dissociated a near-death experience at the hand of my sexual abuser. And that was a most important event for me to recall on the road to recovery.
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